Gone Postal

postal: adj. crazy, insane, irrational
 
In July I sold my old biochem book "Principles of Biochemistry" online to some kid in Washington.  Poor bloke.  I shipped it to him from the campus post office on July 13th with a little note tucked inside the cover wishing him luck in biochemistry.  It's not the easiest of classes, and I wouldn't exactly describe the book as 'light reading' (figuratively or literally...the think weighs like 25 pounds.....give or take...)

Imagine my disgruntled reaction to receiving the following email last Friday:

"I ordered "Lehninger Principles of Biochemistry" (5th ed. by Nelson).   It was shipped on July 13 and hasn't arrived yet."

Are. You. Serious.  What am I supposed to say to that?  I shipped it the cheapest possible way (via USPS) so there was no tracking number.  According to Amazon.com I had three options:  a) refund him, b) ship him another copy, c) tell him to be patient and keep waiting.  Great.  Obviously option c) was my favorite, but if I were the dissatisfied customer, I don't think I'd agree.  I had no other copy of the book to send him; one biochemistry book was more than enough to suit my needs.  And I most definitely didn't want to give him his money back, because then I was stuck with no book and no money.

So I picked option d: complain loudly to coworkers about the joke that is the United States Postal Service.   The crowning glory of all my complaints went something like this:  "I could have WALKED to Washington and HAND-DELIVERED it myself by now!"

Claire had the audacity to challenge my statement.  So we took it to the ultimate authority:  Google Maps, walking directions.

As you can see, I was right. In the 23 days that had passed since I shipped the book, I could have easily walked to his front door, even if I were getting a full 8 hours of sleep on the side of the freeway every night.

Forgive me a moment as I channel my father and exclaim that GOVERNMENT RUN PROGRAMS ARE WORTHLESS, AND I WILL BE USING PRIVATELY OWNED SHIPPING COMPANIES FROM HERE ON OUT!

{Incidentally, I also picked option c) and asked the kid to sit tight, as the only addresses written on the package were mine and his, so it was bound to end up on one of our front steps eventually.  He responded very politely.  Hopefully the crisis has been averted.}