Dear Guy in Endocrinology,

As the semester has progressed, it has become increasingly evident that you are an intellectual. How accomplished you must feel. As your fellow student, I am continually humbled by the breadth, depth and scope of your knowledge. I feel especially impressed when you correct the professor. He probably doesn't really understand endocrinology, despite his being a pioneer in the field. Your year of experience working in a pharmacy makes his 40+ years of science look pretty pathetic, if you ask me.

One of my favorite things is when you ask questions for the sole purpose of emphasizing your astounding intellect. You know the ones; they usually begin, "Dr. W____, given A, B and C, we must surely be able to conclude Y and Z. Isn't that correct?" On the rare occasion that he disagrees with your conclusions, I am glad that you spend our class time arguing with him. How dare he insinuate that your knowledge and critical thinking skills could be fallible? What does he think, that you're grasping at physiologic straws in an attempt to demonstrate your superiority to your peers? Oh the audacity. Who does he think he is anyway, the department chair?

But the very best part of associating with you is when you condescend to correct my physiology. I always feel so star-struck when you do that, so honored that you would even consider my blunders (numerous as they are) worth taking your precious time to correct. Like today, for instance. The magnanimous way that you set me straight as we discussed the etiology of type I diabetes was art. Pure art. Especially when one considers that just one semester ago, I was teaching you the basics of diabetes as your pathophysiology TA. I happily consider myself surpassed.

My hat is off to you, outspoken endocrinology guy. I cannot help but be secretly jealous of your awesomeness. I suspect you run into this secret jealousy often, and it's probably the reason you're the only unmarried male in the class.  Your receding hairline, smug self-assuredness and repellent personality probably have nothing to do with it.

Let me know when you cure cancer.

Sincerely,
Melissa